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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Is this what i want?

Recently, i being assigned something new in my job. And things started to change, my nightmare come...

First of all, i being escalated by the customer for no reason...darn
Second, again i bring escalated by the customer for no reason...double darn...
Third, Fourth will be same too....

I really have no idea why that lady keep biting at me. Friend said, maybe she afraid of me will go complain on her, so she complain and back stab me first. Well, frankly, ever since i start to take up this new assignment, i feel very upset, unhappy, and every night i have to work til late night, midnight, and i am working now. While waiting for data loading, i sneak and update my blog. Feel so guilty as i didn't update my kids blog promptly. I will try my best to update theirs.

Usually i will be in the room with the 2 kids, tugging both of them at the same time. One hand hugging Kaitlyn and the other hand pat Kelvin. But for these few night, i need to shut my ears as Kelvin will cry so badly when he doesn't see me in the room when he wants to sleep.While i am typing this, i heard Kelvin crying in the room. But, i can't walk into the room, coz when he sees me, he will cry even louder. so i will leave to hubb to handle him.

As for Kaitlyn, mom needs to help me tug her to sleep. Every night, mom will let her sleep in cradle in her house, then send her home and make sure she's still sleeping when she reached our house so that i can continue to do my work without interruption. And u know what, i used to nurse her before she sleeps, and for these few days, because i am so tight up with my FOREVER unfinished job, so i didn't nurse her, mom bottle feed her and tug her to bed. And i noticed that, for those night that i didn't nurse her before she sleeps, when she wakes up at middle of the night, she will look around as if she is looking for something and when i go near her, she will throw me a SWEET smile middle of the night and continue to sleep. My heart sank when i see her doing so. I feel so guilty.

I am not sure what i should do next!
I am so upset at work, and i am having 2 upset kids at home. All because of me. Sometimes i am so frustrated coz i need to stay late and get my job done and i am so tired, so i will be a bit frustrated when Kelvin wants to play with me. I will just shut him off. I am such a lousy and bad mom! As for hubb, i hardly talk to him nowadays, coz i feel exhausted and tired, and i don't know how and what to tell him. I don't want to bring the unhappiness from work back home, but my face and expression betray me! I am such a lousy wife at the same time too!

PLEASE tell me, what should i do. Seriously, if my company ever offer VSS again, i will TAKE IT without any DOUBT. I am willingly to forgo my pay and what i want is happy life. I am very tired and exhausted. GOD, HELP ME if you HEAR ME!

3 comments:

Yannie said...

Joanne, I can understand how you feel actually. At one time, I was like that too. Being a working mom with one toddler and one new born, it is so stressful. I went through this. Give yourself some times, don't pressure yourself so much. Catch up with your kids and hubby during weekend. They will get used to it. It is very normal, as you need to work, so you are actually competing with the clock. Don't worry. At least you still your family to help and support you. Please think of me, I have none of them here with me. So, take heart. Please feel free to talk to me, if you want.

Mummy Joanne and Daddy Terence said...

Yan: Thank you so much for your moral support. I guess only those who gone through this will understand the feeling. I hope i can overcome this in shortest time.

Houston Insurance Claim Specialist said...

I know how it feels. I've been to many unpleasant job experiences too. The secret? If you want out, go. Don't let the fat paycheck hinder you from growing in another firm or as a freelance worker. I wish you all the luck:)

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