How much does happiness cost?

Can someone tell me how much do i need to pay for a day of happy at work?
I am more than willing and happy to pay for it.

Can someone tell me how to avoid get blame for things that not under my job scope?
I am more than happy to pay you if you can give me to tips or hints.

Can someone tell me how to how to get out from this messy place?
I am more than happy to pay you if you can get me out from this place.

I know, money is not everything, but without money, everything also cannot do.
That's why i am still stuck here even though i am not happy! even though my life is so miserable! even though everyday i go to work with happy face, and the moment i step into my work place, my back started to get shoot now and then!

If everyone don't have to work, how nice!
If money can buy happiness, how nice!
If i have money and power to shut these people away, HOW NICE!

my 2 kids

For don't know what reason, my 2 kids seems have very good relation with Ms Goh and uncle James. When Kaitlyn sees uncle James, she will be very excited and she will show the "come, carry me" sign.

But again, with those people who has blood relation, they don't seems bother to know their grandkids progress. Well, maybe they do get update from their son. And one thing that i am SURE is, they NEVR spend any single cent on my 2 kids!ARGH!!!

Even when strangers see my kids, some will play with them. And again, why the paternal grandparents has no feel on them. Maybe like friend said, it's better for them don't come over as me and them do not have any chemistry in between.

I need your input

Chat with a friend on my thought of resign and stay at home.
He said, as long as hubby can support the household expenses, then can consider. But, actually my case is more complicated, as the problem is myslef.

First, i cannot let go my salary;
Second, i cannot let go my income;
Third, i cannot let go my wages;
so overall conclusion is, i cannot let go my pay!

So how?

And he said it took him 2 yrs to think over his wife's proposal to be full time house wife. So does it means i need to nag hubb for another few ore yrs before he agree to let me become full time housewife? No no, i don't want to be full time housewife, i want to be full time MUMMY. Because my full time housewife = maid; as full time housewife need to wash clothes, sweep floor, mop floor, cook, iron clothes...eww ; whereas full time mummy is just send, pick up kids from school, play with them, supervise them on their homework. Am i right? LOL!

So continue to work or continue to appeal for full time mummy application??

Welcome to 'si lai' club!

Is this what i want?

Recently, i being assigned something new in my job. And things started to change, my nightmare come...

First of all, i being escalated by the customer for no reason...darn
Second, again i bring escalated by the customer for no reason...double darn...
Third, Fourth will be same too....

I really have no idea why that lady keep biting at me. Friend said, maybe she afraid of me will go complain on her, so she complain and back stab me first. Well, frankly, ever since i start to take up this new assignment, i feel very upset, unhappy, and every night i have to work til late night, midnight, and i am working now. While waiting for data loading, i sneak and update my blog. Feel so guilty as i didn't update my kids blog promptly. I will try my best to update theirs.

Usually i will be in the room with the 2 kids, tugging both of them at the same time. One hand hugging Kaitlyn and the other hand pat Kelvin. But for these few night, i need to shut my ears as Kelvin will cry so badly when he doesn't see me in the room when he wants to sleep.While i am typing this, i heard Kelvin crying in the room. But, i can't walk into the room, coz when he sees me, he will cry even louder. so i will leave to hubb to handle him.

As for Kaitlyn, mom needs to help me tug her to sleep. Every night, mom will let her sleep in cradle in her house, then send her home and make sure she's still sleeping when she reached our house so that i can continue to do my work without interruption. And u know what, i used to nurse her before she sleeps, and for these few days, because i am so tight up with my FOREVER unfinished job, so i didn't nurse her, mom bottle feed her and tug her to bed. And i noticed that, for those night that i didn't nurse her before she sleeps, when she wakes up at middle of the night, she will look around as if she is looking for something and when i go near her, she will throw me a SWEET smile middle of the night and continue to sleep. My heart sank when i see her doing so. I feel so guilty.

I am not sure what i should do next!
I am so upset at work, and i am having 2 upset kids at home. All because of me. Sometimes i am so frustrated coz i need to stay late and get my job done and i am so tired, so i will be a bit frustrated when Kelvin wants to play with me. I will just shut him off. I am such a lousy and bad mom! As for hubb, i hardly talk to him nowadays, coz i feel exhausted and tired, and i don't know how and what to tell him. I don't want to bring the unhappiness from work back home, but my face and expression betray me! I am such a lousy wife at the same time too!

PLEASE tell me, what should i do. Seriously, if my company ever offer VSS again, i will TAKE IT without any DOUBT. I am willingly to forgo my pay and what i want is happy life. I am very tired and exhausted. GOD, HELP ME if you HEAR ME!

I am here!!

Hello all....i am still alive and kicking.

Back to work on January09 from my maternity leave and temporary doing some easy job, kicking and shaking my legs for the past 2 months plus and then now being assign on a new assignment, actually is doing back the previous role as global demand planner. The only different is taking care another business unit and this business unit is more towards buy and sell, so again different as the business uni that i handle before i go for maternity leave...hello...u still there with me or already confuse by me?

ok, in summary, i am now picking up something new and quite busy. Still adjusting myself to the working world as i have been in dreamland for quite some time. So pls bear with me, i will be ow in updating my baby blog and personal blog.

Me and my new look

One fine day ~ 9 of Feb, i decided to go ahead for hair cut, so asked hubb to drop me at the hair saloon. He thought i am going for hair trim, so when he picked me up, he get shocked seeing me with short hair...yeah! I really go for a REAL hair CUT! Feel so fresh now. Economy is bad mah..so must save some hair shampoo!! yeah right!

So now, no worry that Kelvina nd Kaitlyn will pull my hairs! And no need to worry what hair pin to use to match with my clothes every morning!

My hair used to be that long......

and now, it's become like this!

It's hurt til bottom of my feet!

MIL called hubb on 27th Oct around 5:30pm (i must record down the date and time!!!)and hubb passed the phone to me. Eventhough i don't feel like talking to her but then i still force myself to talk over the phone, but guess what?!!!!

She said she thought i only take care Kaitlyn and IGNORE Kelvin til Kelvin has fever! WTF!! I don't mind if peopls criticise me saying i am not a good wife, i am not a good daughter, i am not a good daughter in law, i am not a good sister, BUT I DO MIND when it comes to people's comment on how i handle my kids! To me, they are EVERYTHING, i am willing to sacrify ANYTHING for my kids! I almost want to F her over the phone, but i do control myself, i responded to her by telling her "both also my own kids, there isn't any special preference over the newborn!" WTF! Then she said she is joking with me, WTF! It's not humor at ALL! Her word really hurt me thoroughly! I immediately lost my appetite and walked into the toiler and cry! This is the only way to release my sadness on someone who claimed joking with me. But to me, this is not a JOKE! I hesitate whether should i let hubb know or not.....and i thought i can handle the comment but at the end i choose to tell hubb on his mom's comment on me. Well, expected, he just kept quiet. Afterall, i don't expect much from him, afterall, SHE is HIS MOM!

And MIL further added saying that initially she want to come to Penang to help up! My GOSH, C'on, come to Penang to help?? Help what??!! She can't drive, can't walk in the mall all by herself, and i don't talk with her...if she comes here, what she can help up? Make me even more uncomfortable only! And i told her "NO NEED, my mom is helping me to get all the things that the confinement lady want!" Just LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!

If they are really so thoughtful, pls sit down and think, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE FOR MY 2 KIDS?!!!! DAMN! I am so piss off!